Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
