it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
