YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
