so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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