Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
