my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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