there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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