the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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