she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
