Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
