ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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