I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
