Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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