I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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