so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
and she was petting her beer can
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
