so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
