UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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