32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
