They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
