I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
