I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
