i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
