Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
