I will die if light touches me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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