Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
