I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
