Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
