I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
