I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
