Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
