Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
