If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I will be naked everywhere
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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