We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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