i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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