Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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