He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
