I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
