if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize