dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
