Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
