okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You were trust falling into bushes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
