so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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