I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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