So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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