living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
