could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize