i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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