that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's shark week go big or go home
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
