somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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