I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
