Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
