The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
