I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
