woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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