Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
