The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
