Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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