dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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