i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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