So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
