dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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