Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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