batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i can't believe i had my finger in that
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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