um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
