I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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