reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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