How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
