Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
