I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I won the penis lottery.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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