you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
