I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
