I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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