I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So here I am, sexting at work.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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