remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
